Let’s discuss the Syndrome

Remember the show The Magic School Bus? This may jog your memory:


Lily Tomlin voiced the ginger teacher, Ms. Fizzle. She and her magical bus took a class (it should be noted: a class as multi-ethnic as the Magic School Bus one could only have been created by PBS) of children to the most wild, unfathomable adventures. She’d always get started by saying, “To the bus!”

Well everyone, TO THE BUS!  I’m taking ya’ll on a tour of Mika’s Body during the days prior to shark week.

1-The Nation of Irrational

Have you ever seen a David Lynch movie? Have you ever tried to make sense of a David Lynch movie? I saw Mulholland Drive during my freshman year at BYU. Afterwards, I laid in my bed all night trying to make sense of it.  My frustration grew in the futile search for meaning, and to this day the film haunts me more than any other.  Why? Because after all my efforts I concluded: no sense can be made from Mulholland Drive.

The same can be said of my brain during pre-menses.  I feel formidable emotions and an overall psychological ill-being.  Nothing I do during these days makes any sense and no meaning can be derived from that time period either.  I’m not making excuses for actions, just explaining that the frustration others/myself feel with me, ultimately has no purpose.

2-Up a Cup-Size

Not all things PMS are bad; try this one on for size: B Cups.  I don’t know if this is common for only my fellow small-breasted women or if it’s the case for all of us ladies, but my breasts increase in size once a month.  I ain’t complaining about this one, even if they become far more tender.[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaHrqKKFnSA]

3-Cramping in Style

Remember maturation classes?  I still remember the pamphlets they gave us and the way they talked about cramps.  It went something like this:

Julie gets cramps on the first day of her period.  Instead of sit around and feel awful, Julie goes for a run.  Exercise is a great way to work out these cramps.

Even at 11 years old, I knew Julie was full of bullshit.  If exercise is a solution for an ailment, it’s bullshit.  If papaya juice is the solution, it’s bullshit.  The only way to get through cramps is Ibuprofen, bad movies, and heating pads.